the resistance is crumbling crumbling
breaking off of my skin
i have paint chips breaking free
hairs pushing them out
i think this is a sampling sampling
of what its like to join
i am no longer an 'i'
in a sea of 'myself'
rather a soldier cell conjoining conjoining
mass blood in one vein
where i am never alone
and that thought couldn't settle
its simply troubling troubling
if i pause and look inside
there's no longer self-loathing
a reflection of pity and spite
thats all-encompassing compassing
the world only gives me
what i feel about myself
and i want love and peace, man
a pleasant remodeling modeling
i thought so many 'no's'
would bring me to my knees
but all i'm hearing are different 'yes's'
perception changing its facings
wallowing is favorite
among societies sheep
and dammit i'm not one of the flock
this i'm realizing realizing
i have a soul that needs to stretch
its been pushed back too long
riding backseat to my ego
legs are cramping and cramping
its time i take shotgun
to my fulfillment and light
and when i find myself 'alone'
inner truth resisting resisting
uncork that power
and bask in all that there is
cuz its all part of me anyways
i'm not overthinking my thinking
but i am numb to the bullshit
its slipping clean off of me
the real truth is fuzing
love is appealingly pleasing
you can keep that negativity
i had enough of my own
and i fessed up to it
took responsibility-bility
i didn't point the finger
the other three honesty
i am not a product of your beliefs
keep on mumbling mumbling
the only true way to live
is to do just that
and realize you make your life
stop your grumbling grumbling
and make that shit work.


i am done.


writers block has been chiseled...but now theres an ugly ass statue in the way. i need to get all u.s. army on that shit and pull the mothafucka down.
maybe tomorrow.

my soul-searching is hitting a barricade, and truckin to the mountains seems the right and necessary thing to do...is that a scapegoat? is that an excuse? is the mountain air really a tonic for my sickened spiritual stomach? or am i putting it off for some reason i have yet to admit to...i don't know. my head is empty and full at the same time. i am indifferent and lost. hopeful and willing, yet deprived and troubled. i think perhaps...mountains and forest and nature and untarnished beauty could still do me good. its congested here, and i have sinus problems.  i want to feel something. but i don't know whats right to feel...or something like that. my vessel, my ship, its dying, and i'm letting it pull me down with it. i'm rambling whatever pops into my head, and its still not bringing an emotion to the table. my world is a potluck held by anorexics.

i'm done again. need to step away.
for now....thought and company. perhaps some tobacco.

<3